Special edition - Big Brother final season begins

The television show Big Brother returns to screens in the UK this week, for what Channel 4 has announced will be the last time.

Although they've tried to keep all the details carefully under wraps, the Daily Half-Truth can provide an exclusive sneak preview of exactly who will be entering the famous house tonight.

The Housemates

Mark - 31-year-old gay man. Bucks the Big Brother trend by having another facet to his personality other than being so very, very gay.

Avril - 22-year-old red-headed student from Buckinghamshire. Holds the UK record for most ping-pong balls caught in her vagina from someone else's vagina.

Lee - 28-year-old PR executive. Overtly seeking the destruction of all non-white races.

Alyss - 42-year-old level-12 witch. Heads a coven in Somerset. On the show to try to improve the public's perception and educate them about practitioners of Wicca.

Braa'tuk - 3,000-year-old Mesopotamian spirit. Currently residing in the body of a small tabby cat. Entering in conjunction with Alyss. Likes string.

Roxie - 19-year-old biochemistry PhD student. Wants to show the world that there's another side to her, and she's more than just an intelligent human being. She's also a blonde with big tits.

David - 27-year-old engineer. The token sane one.

Sarah - 29-year-old office manager. The token incredibly touchy and aggressive one.

Patrick - 54-year-old teacher. Divorced four times. Mentioned being "on a register", but not legally obliged to tell us which one. Hopes to establish a successful media career after leaving the house, possibly as a children's TV presenter.

Kiki - 33-year-old life coach. Raising awareness of the common stigma against people born without a torso. Favourite to win.

Who's your favourite? Watch tonight to see them enter the house, and find out!