Oil still flooding into Gulf of Mexico

Oil company executives can't believe their luck, as a fissure in the ocean surface off the coast of Louisiana continues to pump millions of gallons of rich, sumptuous, delicious, life-giving oil directly into the ocean.

In a statement released today, BP - formerly Brutish Pedrolinum, the energy company currently leasing the oil rig situated above this fortuitous discovery - expressed their delight, and pledged to make the most of this rare opportunity.

"It's not every day that you can expect such a monumental find as this," said a spokesman earlier. "I mean, the stuff's everywhere! You can see it from space! We're going to have a tough time knowing what to do with all this oil - and as a multinational oil company, you'd think we'd be well prepared with good ideas on that front."

Nay-sayers and doom-mongers have been tediously trying to put a damper on the general atmosphere of good cheer, claiming that the sea is an inappropriate place for millions of gallons of crude oil to be. Some have even suggested that its presence might be doing some sort of harm.

"The ocean is a delicately balanced eco-system," moaned Jeanette Crispyduck, some sort of dolphin-hugging environmentophile. "Spilling up to 100,000 barrels of oil into it every day will wreak havoc on the wildlife, and could have catastrophic consequences to life on this planet."

But most people believe that this wonderful new oil supply is a bright light, ushering us into a hopeful future free of dependence on alternative fuels. BP say that as soon as they come up with a method for extracting all this newly available oily goodness from all the water unhelpfully diluting it, our troubles will definitely be over for good.

(inspired by... you should probably be able to guess this one)