The Large Hadron Collider achieved its long-awaited goal and then some yesterday, when God came out of apparent hiding as a direct result of its operation.
Scientists had hoped that the five mile wide particle accelerator based near Geneva, Switzerland, would provide empirical evidence supporting the existence of the hypothetical Higgs boson, known informally as the "God particle". This nickname was thought only to be a reference to the particle's importance, but turned out to be rather more literal when God himself manifested at CERN during an otherwise routine procedure.
The event is being hailed as the first truly undisputed instance of divine visitation in human history. God, as we now know, had done such a good job of hiding from us, that no consensus as to any aspect of his nature had ever successfully been reached, with some groups questioning even his very existence.
"Well, you found me," were the first words uttered by the creator of the Universe to mankind, according to several badly shaken physicists who had been present at his abrupt arrival. "It didn't take you that many billion years, either. You must be really good at seeking."
"Now I'll count to a quadrillion, and you guys all hide," he added.