Monday, 28 June 2010

DHT servers attacked by hacker pirate zombie robot Nazis

The internet was plunged into chaos last week as the servers responsible for hosting The Daily Half-Truth - among other, less bullshit-oriented websites - were attacked and taken offline.

Fortunately, no information was permanently lost, and down-time was minimal during the outage, but no new information could be uploaded for several days. Little is currently known about the perpetrators of this criminal attack, but they are presumed to be a swarthy and ruthless team of hacker pirate zombie robots who are also Nazis.

Claims that they may also be French are, at this time, unconfirmed.

One of the Half-Truth's webmonkey geek lords, Jamien Bapplebrumble, witnessed the brutal cyber-attack.

"It was horrible," he said. "They sent some kind of evil, undead, sentient program across the internet and onto our website, where it persuaded the servers that they were an inferior race and must be cleansed for the benefit of the purity of cyberspace. I wish I knew more about computers, because then I might have realised that this is completely impossible and doesn't even make sense. But, as it was, it completely crippled the whole site."

Added Bapplebrumble: "And it just didn't stop until I switched it off and on again."

Our resident experts say that the problem is now largely under control, but were cagey about the possibility of another similar attack in the future.

"Who knows what nightmarish creatures might strike next time?" asked Pinder Stobbins, our head of online security who's going to be fired if he keeps asking that kind of rhetorical question. "Maybe next week we'll have to face down a pack of ferocious terrorist alien vampire raptors who want to eat all the news. There's no way to be sure."

(inspired by look I was taking a fucking holiday, give me a break)

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