World Cup finishes

The world cup ended rather anti-climactically last week, as everybody just stopped playing and nobody won.

For decades, dozens of football teams from all over the world have come together every four years to compete in the biggest sporting event on the planet. But this year, once again, the tournament was ceased in mid-swing and no further football of note occurred.

The group matches were generally well received by the hundreds of millions of global football fans, and so it surprised many commentators that everyone should have simply packed up their vuvuzelas and stopped playing football completely with such suddenness, at around 6pm local time on Sunday.

"I think we've taken this thing as far as we can," said FIFA spokesman Grebthok Bedgarville. "There's no point dragging it out any longer. If we do too much now, we just won't be in the mood for another one in 2014."

When asked whether it wasn't worth continuing with the last few matches for the benefit of those fans who might be interested in the final outcome, Bedgarville responded: "Call me Anglo-centric, but does anyone really care?"

The decision to just not bother with the rest of the World Cup follows a precedent set by the cancellation of a series of other ongoing projects. These have included: not worrying about counting up all those Olympic medals; reminding everyone that the only important part of Eurovision is having a nice sing-along; and firmly insisting that there's really no need to go and check how much of the British Empire is left these days.