UK Emergency budgie launched

George Osborne has described the necessity of an "emergency budgie" in order to save the UK's economy from collapse.

The Chancellor announced recently that urgently enlisting the aid of a type of Australian parrot - specifically a member of the species Melopsittacus undulatus - was the only way to prevent a serious financial meltdown in this country.

It is currently unclear exactly how Mr Osborne intends to employ a small bird in setting our nation back on the path to economic recovery, but he has insisted that he knows what he's doing, and will be setting out a four-year plan in the coming days.

Although budgies are often kept as pets, they have rarely received such high-profile acclaim as to be asked to rescue the infrastructure of an entire country. Animal sanctuary worker Patricia Fongletrot reacted to the news with particular-

Um. Hang on...

...Budget. He said an emergency budget. Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

I am so fired.