Tuesday, 22 June 2010

God declines request to clean up gulf

It was announced today that God has turned down the State of Louisiana's official request for assistance in cleaning up the oil spill that continues to devastate the Gulf of Mexico.

On Sunday, the Louisiana State Senate had unanimously voted to petition the creator of the Universe and almighty King of Kings for assistance, and filed the formal request that afternoon. Because of his notoriously hectic schedule, nobody was expecting a reply this soon, but the response that arrived today was an unequivocal "No."

Senate spokesman Gregg McWeinstein expressed disappointment but understanding at the result.

"We were really hoping that God might see fit to providing some sort of succour in our time of need," he said. "It's a terrible situation, doing untold damage to the environment, and our own efforts so far have done little to help. The fact that everyone seems to think praying is our best option now should indicate just how desperate we are.

"Still, we're not too surprised," he went on. "I'm sure we'll all find a way to rationalise God's absence in this crisis, as in so many others. We don't seem to hold it against him that he lets millions of Africans die of AIDS every year, so it'd be a bit petty to start resenting his inactivity over something this."

God, as has often been the case on previous occasions when the Half-Truth has approached him, was not available for comment. He has not yet offered any further explanation of his decision to stay out of things and just act like he's not there.

(inspired by this)

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